FAQ

Where’s your claim to be descended from Jesus come from in the first place?

Well, that’s a funny story, really.

For some time now I’ve been interested in studying my family’s genealogy. In the course of my studies I came to learn that I am ultimately descended from European royalty. Among those ancestors are the legendary Merovingians of France. I should note here that I’m fully aware that the art of accurate genealogy can be a mite tricky. Nevertheless, I’m convinced that this much of my family tree is, as it were, solid as the proverbial rock.

From there I do confess that it becomes quite a bit more speculative. But there are many legends and contemporary theories (most recently made popular by Dan Brown’s The DaVinci Code) that insist that the origin of the Merovingian birthright was a union between Jesus of Nazareth and Mary Magdalene.

If those legends and theories are true, then Jesus Christ is, in fact, my grandpappy.

But aren’t there thousands, even MILLIONS of people who could claim a lineage from European royalty?

Yes, I reckon so. In fact, statistically speaking, given normal human procreation patterns over the course of 2000 years, it's likely that most human beings on the planet can trace a genetic line right to Grandpappy.

So what makes you so special, then?

I don’t rightly know. YOU’RE the one visiting MY website. But if you think you, too, might be a grandchild of Christ, feel free to let me know by clicking the "Contact the GC" link to your left, or leaving a "comment" below, or posting a message to the "Cousins' Forum". And if you're interested in showing your "Holy Grail" family pride, visit the Emporium!

Where have you posted your family tree so that we can verify your claim that you are descended from Christ?

Nowhere. Out of respect for the privacy of my living relatives and to avoid having my home turned into a shrine, I will not make my family tree available to the public. Not that you have to take my word for it, of course. But I hope that doesn’t prevent you from enjoying yourself as you peruse the site. Like Grandpappy, I like to entertain my company.

All of that said, I reckon it's safe to reveal this tidbit:  my parents are 37th cousins twice removed, with the common ancestor being Holy Roman Emperor Charlemagne.  Of course, Charlemagne descended from the Merovingian kings who, legend has it, descended from Grandpappy.

If Jesus visited Earth today, do you think he would be so narcissistic as to publish a blog?

I imagine Grandpappy would probably use whatever means were available to get His message out, including the World Wide Web. Certainly when He was on Earth there were many who thought Him just a big showoff, gathering multitudes in the morning and prattling right on through lunchtime. In fact, one story about Grandpappy you might be familiar with involves Him casting out some demons right in front of a big crowd of people. Well, there was this group of sourpusses there who said amongst themselves, "This fellow does not cast out demons except by Beelzebub, the ruler of the demons!" You know, as if Grandpappy wasn’t going to hear them or something. So then Grandpappy says, and this always cracks me up, he says, "Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation, and every city or house divided against itself will not stand. If Satan casts out Satan, he is divided against himself. How then will his kingdom stand?" I tell you what, Grandpappy always had snappy comebacks for those guys. Anyhow, the point is, it isn’t how much attention you draw to yourself that matters. What matters is WHY you’re making a fuss. Grandpappy was constantly drawing attention to Himself, but hardly anyone today thinks Him anything but a humble guy. That’s because they know He didn’t attract all that attention for His own benefit. He did it for the benefit of Humanity. So before you get the idea that I created this site for self-aggrandizement, read a little bit of it first so you can get a better idea of what my motives are. If after you’ve read it you still think I’m a megalomaniac… well, then you can go suck eggs. (Just kidding… sorry… it’s something my Pappy sometimes says in jest and it makes me laugh, so I just couldn’t resist.)

Don’t you think it’s blasphemous to call Jesus Christ by such a familial term as "Grandpappy"?

No, and I’ll tell you why. Grandpappy often called God "Father". Did you get that? He called the Ultimate Creator of the Universe "FATHER"! You know, most religions at the time (and a significant number of them today) didn’t even like to speculate regarding the Ultimate Creator in terms of what "it" was like and in many cases they even sidestepped the question of "its" existence entirely. The religions that did believe in an Ultimate Creator usually treated "it" as extremely austere. So, in general, ancient religious practitioners mostly concerned themselves with interacting with lesser gods, spirits, and deceased ancestors. Now the Jews of Grandpappy’s time stood out among other religions in the fact that they’d mostly given up on all of those interceding entities and focused square on the Ultimate Creator, but even they didn’t have the audacity to call "it" FATHER. But that’s what Grandpappy did, and it surely got Him in a heap of trouble. Still, Christians have been calling themselves "Children of God" for centuries, inspired by the example of Grandpappy. So given that PLUS any legitimate claim I may have to the term by blood, I can’t see how my calling Grandpappy "Grandpappy" should be considered blasphemous.

So do you think you’re worthy of worship since you descend by blood from the Savior of the World?

OK, let’s make sure we get this straight. Most theologies posit that for Grandpappy’s mission to have meant anything He had to be some part genuine, bona fide human. Fully God and fully human some even say, and I’m willing to go along with that because there’s something satisfyingly paradoxical about it. But either way, it should be easy for anyone to imagine that certain parts of Grandpappy were 100% human, not a smidgen of the divine in them whatsoever. His toenails for example. Probably just like yours or mine. In fact, all of His waste products, if we want to get right down to it, probably had no sacred value whatsoever. So the question is would Grandpappy’s… contribution, we’ll call it… to the procreation process possess any divine essence or not? To my thinking, any answer other than "not" to that question is perfectly absurd. Meaning, anyone who descends from Grandpappy is just an ordinary human being just like anybody else, deserving of no more and no less regard compared to anyone else. So the pleasure I get from thinking of Grandpappy as "Grandpappy" comes completely from the same place anyone gets pleasure from calling anyone else "Grandpappy". That is, a genuine appreciation for what that familial relationship represents. In particular, unconditional love. So you can save the worship for whomever else you like. No need to waste it on me. I can always use a little more of that unconditional love, though, if you’ve got any. (Hey, even the GC can get lonely sometimes.)

If you really don’t think you are worthy of special regard, then why do you call your blog "Holy Blood, Holy Blog"?

Because I think it’s funny. Freakin’ hilarious, actually, and I don’t use that terminology lightly.

Haven’t the theories in "Holy Blood, Holy Grail", the work upon which Dan Brown based much of his fiction, been discredited?

The theories in Holy Blood, Holy Grail are definitely under contention. However, consider the most compelling bit of evidence in favor of the idea that Jesus had children, namely the anthropological evidence. It is a fairly well established fact that in the time that Grandpappy lived, taking a wife and having children by her was a man's expected course in life. Marriages were "arranged", and, unless a woman was found barren, child bearing was a rather strict duty. Now, there WERE celibate sects and whatnot around, but even so, it would have been unusual for Grandpappy not to be married with children given the culture He grew up in. Such an oddity certainly would have merited mention in scripture, more so than a much more commonplace fact such as Him having a family. If the probability is high that Grandpappy had a family, then there exists some probability that I am descended from Him before I even consider my family connections, and whether or not any other theory put forth in Holy Blood, Holy Grail is true. Either way, I find the idea that Grandpappy had a family to be most theologically satisfying, whether or not He actually is my Grandpappy. Not to say He isn’t. Because He is. My Grandpappy, I mean.

I think your site is the best and I wonder how you got to be so awesome?

I appreciate the sentiment, but let’s consider what’s really being said here. The truth is you don’t really know me outside of what you can put together about me based upon the content of my website. I think we both know that this is not enough information for you to judge whether or not I am, on the whole, awesome. Now, if you like this site, then it appeals to YOUR sense of humor or makes points that YOU essentially agree with or both. So by saying it’s the best and that I’m awesome, aren’t you really saying that you’re the best and that you’re awesome? Of course, given that you find me amusing and essentially agree with everything I say, I’m inclined to agree that you are, in fact, totally awesome.